Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
