I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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