Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
