Someone shit on the floor
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
