I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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