can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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