guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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