I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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