I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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