do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
