Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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