I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
time to smoke my breakfast
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
