There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
