I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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