There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
