3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Plan B is the new Plan A
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
