how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
