From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am available for nakedness
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
