you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
