my phone needs a breathalizer
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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