he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
