Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Enjoy the penises
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
