Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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