Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
