My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
