The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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