Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
