WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
