Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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