sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My dick has a subreddit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
