my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
