I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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