You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
