I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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