You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
