the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
