Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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