I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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