I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
