She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mom said you looked used
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
