i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She said her name was "party"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
