i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
