Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
