I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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