Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
