I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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