Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
