my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
