Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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