the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
