I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
