if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize