is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
