she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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