His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
