Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
