it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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