I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
