thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
