i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
