Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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