New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
