Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
