She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it's like iHOP with fire
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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